bed of roses

being a spouse to a diplomat doesn't mean that life is always a bed of roses. in reality, one is more susceptible to unscrupulous individuals that may take every opportunity they have to politicize any issues for their own political interests. globalization and the advancement of IT unfortunately exposes diplomats and their spouses to an ever more dangerous and challenging world. Twitter, Facebook, blogs, and the like no doubt can be very effective in building diplomatic relationship. on the flip side however, these cutting age technologies are easily hacked and abused by irresponsible individuals. if not handle carefully, any mistake may not only severely damage any diplomat's reputation, but also and most worrying lead to chaotic international relation and bilateral cooperation between countries. aside, rumors, any bias remarks or negative statements can be potentially fatal to a diplomat's esteem career.

there have been real cases of diplomats become the scapegoat and victims in the history of diplomatic service. the latest slander on the spouse of the Ambassador of Malaysia to the Republic of the Philippines over her tweet shows how the lack of sensitivity and integrity may cause unnecessary seeds of suspicion, prejudice and hatred. (refer to Leave Dato Zainab Alone at "http://www.mindanaoan.com vying for attention and support, irresponsible individuals would be willing to do anything so long they could achieve their agenda. in fact, the quest for power and glory could be above the nation's interest. What happened is truly an unnecessary tragedy. nevertheless, this very unfortunate incident perhaps serve as a timely reminder to all the members of diplomatic corps and their spouses on the importance of being extra vigilant in whatever remarks or activities they do as they will obviously be continuously scrutinized and targeted. diplomats and their spouses must be ethically conscious at all times and remember that their words and actions regardless intentionally said and done or not, will reflect the country they represent. Yes, sometimes, certain acts or opinions could be rather very personal, yet, they would be naturally perceived as representing the whole embassy and the country one belongs to. as twitter, Facebook and the like are obviously so public, it is best for diplomats and their spouses to refrain themselves from using vulgar language, making satirical remarks, offering his or her private thought or even displaying bias particularly in matters involving different nations.

though other than simple tweets, the highly spirited ambassador's wife has diplomatically and gracefully chooses to let the public find out the truth themselves, the fabricated and unverified news spin so fast on the web. thing gets worse as politically driven individuals having ostensible reasons are quick to further spread the news in blogs. the damage is irreparable. the reputation of both the highly patriotic ambassador and quintessential wife who have always proudly and enthusiastically spoken of the Malays’ achievement in Malay Archipelago throughout history has been tarnished. only those who have the privileges of knowing them would know how friendly, humble, open-minded and kind-hearted the couple is. no doubt, they have won the hearts of so many despite their relatively new presence in the Philippines. a public apology therefore ought to be made and the issue deserve to be addressed accurately and wisely. be fair to Datin Seri Dato' Zainab and the ambassador, the members of Malaysian Diplomatic Corps and Malaysians in general by re-informing and reeducating the whole world based on the right account of event. similarly, no future case should ever ever happen again.

thinking of this, diplo life is not always a bed of roses. i bet no one would not disagree at least at this point.

cream of the crop

in the previous post, i just penned down my thought on what make a good diplomat or ambassador. and yesterday, my eyes caught an exciting and mind- boggling editorial article in the local newspaper. i read it with special interest since it speaks about the urge to limit the number of political appointees in the diplomatic service of the host country foreign affair department.
i couldn't help myself from smiling because apparently the issue of who make a good diplomat; trainned career diplomats or selected political appointee has also hit this foreign shore and perhaps has become a universal diplomatic issue else where too.
i have to admit that politics is not my cup of tea. interestingly though, having been a spouse of a diplomat in this esteem service has somehow spurred my concern in politics and diplomacy. at least i care about what's going on all around the globe. politics and diplomacy for one thing, has enhanced my sense of patriotism. of course i am not keen of supporting any parties, instead, the commitment goes solely to the country. history and the tumultuos arab world crisis in Libya, Tunisia and Egypt right now hopefully, will never be replicated in our own homeland. and therefore, i support not any attempt to tarnish the government reputation, to topple it, or to give way for foreign intervention. here lies the need of having such expertise of charismatic diplomat with either political and diplomatic backround or better still, both.

no doubt, diplomats are almost always the cream of the crop, having been selected as the finest among the best trainned diplomatic officers, usually reputadly those with high level of language proficiency, intellect as well as excellent command not only in diplomacy, but also administration, management and international relation just to name a few. nevertheless, i am afraid, substantiating the correlation between a good diplomat and merely those criteria would not be fairly established.

language acquisition is naturally accellerated by a stimulating environment that requires and encourages its usage. as such, given the chance, anyone is capable of achieving the fluency. yet, we have to bear in mind that linguitics intelligence itself includes not only speech or presentation ability. instead, it also covers the ability of one to be word smart in order to obtain the desired communication objective. highly potential diplomat should also posses or develop interpersonal as well as intrapersonal skills. these are normally develop through positive nurturing especially at the very green age. in short, IQ and EQ are equally important in diplomatic career. whereby, being well versed in all the other areas does not come solely from few years of rigorous academic trainning and exposure only in foreign services. so if only these
are allowed to define a good diplomat again, i'm afraid it might do injustice.
there's stark contrast between academic achievement and years and years of hands-on experience in diplomacy. politicians though not all, i'm afraid might be better at this.


diplomatic service should therefore welcome the participation of political appointees or diplomatic officers from just any departments or ministries. time has changed and it requires us to adapt with the changing and demanding diplomatic landscape. having diplomat whose
career has taken him or her across multiple departments and ministries or those from political field should be an added advantage. what is important, diplomats must possess the best ethics possible, profesionalism, knowledge as well as hands-on experience, expertise and perhaps above all those qualities, he or she must be highly patriotics and be aware of his or her duty and responsibility to serve the country
at all times. it is certainly very common for career diplomats to assume ambassadorship at the pinnacle of their careers, however, we should keep in mind that such a pristigious post comes with great responsibilities. and therefore, QUALITIES should always be prioritized rather than individual. the cream of the crop could be just anyone, anyone with remarkable leadership and capabilities yet to be recognized. the brightest
among the bright could be just anywhere, should we look hard enough and give the chance to all. an open door policy would encourage more healthy competition. only then, we would really discover the cream of the crop, beef up performance and make diplomacy more relevant. so why not?

how much diplomacy

after becoming a trailling wife to a diplomat husband for nearly two years, i began to question, how much diplomacy works have we diplomats really done? sadly, what i could recall are mostly just numerous entertaining experience, one after another. the embassy all these years seems being occupied with receiving and entertaining VVIPs; be that royalties, or ministers. on top of that, of course, visa application and process is the heart of the daily embassy operation.

diplomacy doesn't have to happen by holding glamorous, expensive events. it is high time for diplomats and spouses to do more. Entertaining is part of our diplomatic job but above all, it is our duty and responsibility to give the most accurate account of our government stand and policy regarding any issues to the world. it is also our task to reach for the people around us, to understand their colossal culture and customs and to bridge any differences and matters alike.

as a spouse, i remember how a remark uttered without thoughful insight and careful words selection would easily be misleading. Imagine the repercussion on our country and religion when someone remarks, " unlike certain counties, rape is common in our country because the more our Muslim women cover their bodies, the more men become challeged to rape." imagine my shock. Such a shallow remark is absolutely very undiplomatic!

A true leader

I cringed at the thought of having a new leadership in embassy. I vividly remember the quite a panic rush i had, knowing that a new ambassador and spouse would be leading the mission. In foreign affair service, any typical ambassadors are high-profile and experienced diplomatic officers trained specifically for the glamorous diplomatic services. However, in certain cases, an ambassador can be a political appointee. and the mere thought of politics or politicians often tend to send me scary messages.

I guess, we have learned or will come to learn somehow that the words that say all politicians are arrogant, individualistic opportunists does not hold true all the times. I strongly believe we would all agree that a truly patriotic, fair and open-minded leader who speaks from his or her heart and drops his or her tears is such a gracious but humble and sincere leader who shines in darkness, offering light and hopes to those searching for the way out of fantasy. A leader who has integrity, dedication and implacability leads and inspire dreamless and visionless people. A real leader, a truly successful diplomat, is he or she who is close enough to relate to those around, and yet far enough ahead to monitor, motivate and show the path to the unseen. So whether one is a trained diplomat or vice-versa, what actually make a distinguished and highly dedicated diplomat is more about his or her character rather than just training background or experience.

apple polisher

ever wonder why some people are never short of friends? perhaps, one crucial aspect that explain this is their amazing interpersonal skill or intelligence. when the theory of interpersonal intelligence (which is just one of the many multiple intelligences theory) was coined, many, particularly researchers and educators have started to pay greater attention to developing education frames that would develop, and multiply this intelligence. for us adult, interpersonal intelligence too, is indeed a premium and in fact, very much relevant. one important key feature of interpersonal intelligence is our ability to interact, emphatize, understand, assess and interpret others' motivations, desires, feelings and perspectives. This ability can be reflected through language usage (here comes, linguistics intelligence too). any languages used in a very tactful and diplomatic way have more positive impacts on our counterparts and indeed mirror, our interpersonal intelligence. with such intelligence, we are more likely to get along well with people, gain more friends, and have stronger social network of family members as well as acquaintances. don't we realize that sometimes, our mere presence is sometimes enough to bring cheer to others? as diplomats' spouses, supporting our partners' career does not only demand us to just be by his side and take care of his meals and needs and look after our children. in all missions, diplomats' wives have to participate in various meetings and activities, be that among the members their own circles, or among the international diplomatic corps. often, ladies can play a subtle , yet very significant role in forging diplomatic relationship between countries through the multitude of functions such as fund raising activities, and even hi-tea, dinner or even simple coffee morning! so, treat all as important.

as such, it is crucial for us to be socially-conscious in language usage and avoid any forms of insensitive, bias, inconsiderate, selfish and offensive language that could tarnish the reputation of the country's image we always carry with us, and could jeopordize relationship between people and countries. whether we communicate with subordinate, people of the same level or of the a much higher level, always
show respect to their feelings and ideas. academic intelligence may get us a prominent place, but it's the interpersonal intelligence that may get us favoured by many. Distinguish ourselves though from apple-polishing, or brown-nosing. toadying or false-flattering is unethical. never allow such emotional insecurity from invading ourselves. if we truly have a high level
ofinterpersonal intelligence, we should always welcome discussions, offer insights into things, counsel others, respect others temperaments and always cooperate. believe me, we thrive and grow better without being apple-polishers :-)

silent is golden

communication indeed, is one inevitable largest chunk of human life whether it happens verbally or none verbally. while communication can take place in many ways and is determined by so many variables, this tricky business can either make us feel successful or vice versa. i believe it is not uncommon to find ourselves gasping and wandering, when what we say seems to disappear into the thin air rather than touching the heart of our listeners. very often too, what is supposed to bring positive and meaningful interaction transforms into complicated and negative conversation, if not argument. unfortunately, the latter often results into misunderstanding, groundless gossips, and worst among all, bickering and disintegration between members of a particular envoy!

whether we like it or not, diplomatic life requires us to socialize and hence interact with a lot of people around us, especially those within our diplomatic corps. so, knowing what to watch out for during conversation can save us a lot from headache. though a pleasant and constructive exchange is determined not only by one single factor, language by all means, is one crucial yardstick which facilitates a fruitful one.

effective communication and diplomacy should consider phonological features during interaction. stress, rhythm, and intonation can largely affect the message we are trying to deliver. when dealing with those outside our diplomatic circle, some knowledge in the local or host culture can make a huge difference. linguistics or grammatical elements are certainly highly important. connotations or word choice, collocation or what word goes with what word, register, genre, cohesiveness and coherence, all make a great linguistic package we should wisely utilize.

another equally crucial point to consider is para-linguistics rudimentary; non verbal clues such gestures and facial expression, together with body language that includes eye contact, posture and positioning. a careful selection and use of both the linguistics and para-linguistics devices may greatly assist a win-win exchange of ideas and thought. a win-win exchange of ideas and thought. yes. and hence, let's underscore the vitality of acknowledging others through turn-taking.

however, at times communication may become unnecessarily extremely difficult. as mentioned earlier, of course there are numerous other factors that influence the outcome. when the atmosphere is filled with hot air, and when people started making a song and dance for instance, the best thing to do is to be quiet. it is absolutely futile to clarify, to defend or to argue if we are already in a bad book, because our receivers' negative perception and attitude towards us will directly impact the transmitted messages. thus, in unavoidable circumstances, remember, silent is golden. at times, we can perhaps temporarily press our ‘sleep’ button while waiting for the hot air to pass by :-)

sharing, caring and giving

among the yesteryears memories i had as a small child was, tailing behind my parents around villages and the small town where my parents lived to send some cash contribution, used clothes and foods to the needy. my parents had quite good careers which could have allowed them to have a better house, bigger cars etc, yet they choose to live a very moderate life. Some dubbed them as s-t-i-n-g-y. as a small child, i sometimes wondered why my dad drove an old car, while my friend’s dad who had the same profession drove a newer and bigger one. i found it hard to believe mom didn’t have enough to make our house looked fancier when other moms can despite the fact they were just full time housewives. Dad especially always makes qualm about paying out for what he calls beyond necessities, but never grumbles when it comes to spending for the unfortunates. only after more than twenty years, i come to understand how my parents had laid down the greatest lesson of how joy comes through sharing, caring and giving.

no doubt relocation, resettling and readjustment in a new unfamiliar territory can sometimes be a daunting and devastating experience. get alive! start anew! a fresh look at a new horizon can bring us to enlightening and meaningful life adventures we wouldn’t encounter without leaving our familiar zone.

Being abroad, we are privileged to see how life is actually greener on our side. many stricken and less fortunate people still survive only on meagre income whilst doing multiple jobs and yet, they never free themselves from the chain of poverty. young, educated and eager people, take up menial jobs just to make sure they can give life to their aging parents, siblings and their own families. Women, girls, children as well as the elderly are either trapped in endless destitution, and abandoned. single mothers works long hours, having to leave their off-springs far in their provinces, just to care for others babies in order to feed theirs. While in many other part of the world people are already benefiting the latest of cutting age technology, many parents still know not what they can provide for their young ones. with no foods as the primary survival need to help them survive, let alone education. In natural disaster prone countries, people are displaced every time natural catastrophe strikes and not few of them lost their sole breadwinners. undernourished children, orphans, sick and medically deprived people, the handicapped, and drifted single parents. life to many of them has fallen apart.

while counting our blessing, perhaps it would be a life-changing experience if only we could look around us, empathize and extend some supports and contributions in any way we could to these unlucky ones. Spread our love and have the joy of sharing, caring and giving. it might be impossible for us to alter the life of everyone of them, but it is possible for us to at least change the life of them, one at a time.

the road less travelled

a diplomat’s wife is always seen as a frivolous, intelligent, tactful, articulate, poise, confident and graceful lady. such qualities are almost always imperative in ensuring that she can effectively support a husband’s demanding career and at the same time impact those around her especially among diplomatic corps community itself.

it isn’t any easier than said. it’s something involving the transformation of inner being - emotional, and not to forget physical and mental challenges. as time goes by however, those traits can be picked up but of course through great and deliberate efforts to understand and keen observations rather than through reading or formal training . in that sense, experience is perhaps the best teacher. (or experiencing an experience ourselves is perhaps can precisely make us learn. some people are experienced (in the sense that they are older ((and I suppose wiser ?)) but they do not necessarily learn)

far more crucial is how much we have tried to learn, to emulate and to seek and diversify knowledge and experience itself. here too comes the term life-long learning. there’s no book, journal, paper or research or even short-cut and fast rule to refer to. instead, the openness to learn, to change, to tolerate , to adapt and to step outside the usual sphere or comfort zone will do the difference. life indeed is an adventure of its own for those who have courage to take the road less travelled.

behind every great man

last May marked the completion of my husband and my one year assignment abroad. a year has just passed. yes, just a year, and it has been filled and full of moments of trepidation, worries, and trials that have been pushing us to the limit. Yet, the very same one year has also given us more life wisdom, hard-earned experience we wouldn't get through formal learning, love and more courage to embrace life.

diplomatic life... How indeed, it's more than a glamorous life within diplomatic corps. It's beyond than the willingness to accept a normadic life, the sacrifice to let go one's own career and interest so one can fully support the husband and children while in posting, the acceptance and tolerance of one's husband's goal as one's, the readiness to leave behind many loved ones, the adjustment and adaptation in new cultures and customs, and ultimately, the ability to project the best image of the country one represents. it wouldn't be too much probably to say that a diplomat's wife's roles are akin to those of her husband, if not even greater and yet invisible. Here perhaps comes the saying, behind every great man, indeed, there is always a great woman.

diplomatic life. no matter how fabulous or how treacherous it could be, we would be more than ready to brace you.