boss vs leader

Few years back, my head of department called me up and offered me a promotion, asking me to lead a group of one language course teachers and lecturers. I politely refused the offer, stating my preferences in teaching rather than doing what i see as drudgery managing and administrative works ( of course i didn't mention the word DRUDGERY to her, or else i might have been kicked out immediately!) Besides, i told her i feel holding a post would put me under a limelight which i detest, and thus i feel more comfortable being a follower than a leader. Yes, a follower. It didn't take me long, i then realized that i was and still am not a good follower. I don't easily follow if i feel someone is not right or something doesn't make sense to me. I question common practice or conformity. I just don't know how to keep my opinion for myself when everyone else see or believe things differently. And i began to realize that i did those not just once.

from that point onwards, i began to think whether or not i'm a good follower. I just feel that i am more than that. Perhaps there's a leader in me?

...

I thought i can forget leadership when i leave office. I am totally wrong. Leadership is everywhere and doesn't not always correlate with neither position nor title and not authority too. And here as a diplomat's wife, how i realize my courage in challenging norms is nothing but a tiny spark of leadership in me.


I used to make noise, quoting my diplo husband as working too hard that he does works beyond what he should do. But than i know he does more and strangely still feel better because he is not a boss, but rather, a leader. I thank to God for that is a gift. May the Al Mighty continue to guide us both throughout this relentless diplomatic journey.


Here's what i get from my reading and i alter a bit. May it serves as an ethical reminder to us.



A boss drives his people but a leader leads them.

A boss relies on authority but a leader depends on good will.

A boss creates fear but a leader instills great confidence.

A boss says “I” but a leader says “We”.

A boss says “get here on time” but a leader gets there ahead of time.

A boss fixes blame but a leader fixes mistakes.

A boss knows how it is done but a leader shows how it is done.

A boss says “Go” but a leader says “Let’s GO”.

A boss uses people but a leader develops them.

A boss abuses power but a leader empowers others.

A boss sees today but a leader also looks at tomorrow.

A boss commands but a leader asks.

A boss never has enough time but a leader makes time for things that count.

A boss is concerned with things but a leader is concerned with people.

A boss lets people know where he stands but a leader lets his people know where they stand.

A boss works hard to produce but a leader works hard to help his people produce.

A boss takes credit but a leader gives it.

A boss encourages resentment but a leader breeds enthusiasm.


A boss can make people take advantages on his absence, but a leader can rest assure people can be relied on even without his presence.
And why should all these huge differences? because a boss creates nothing but hatred, but a leader inspires more trust, love, sincerity and happiness.

All the best to my darling diplomat husband. Our kids and i are so proud of you.

finding n keeping peace in conflicts?

one of the challenges of making a home away from home is how to keep our personal pleasant experience, and the sense of tranquillity while facing any possible vicious cycle at the same time. there is a saying, the success of a diplomat’s husband depends largely on the success of the diplomat’s wife in her diplomatic ladies circle. a big thanks to the acknowledgement given to women’s power and position. on the flip side of the coin however, this unwritten sort of rule can be so absurd. how could a husband professionalism, efficiency and performance be fairly, FAIRLY evaluated, verified, and concluded based on a wife’s reputation? welcome to the whirlwind of diplomatic life!

in a handbook “Useful Tips for the Diplomat’s Wife”, the writer wrote “ it has been said that a good diplomat is one who gets along well with members of the Mission’s community first before they can be a good diplomat with the local or the foreign community. Likewise, a good diplomat’s wife is one who could do all the above, and more.” i would like to share my personal evaluation of this very interesting statement that consists of the role of a diplomat, and the role of a diplomat’s wife. first, it is an anonymous, and when the source of the remark is largely unknown, credit can’t be given and as such the validity is highly questionable. therefore, it is an opinion which cannot be verified and thus applied across all situations. well, this doesn’t mean i do not value the writer’s insight because i believe she was giving some sort of a guidelines on how a diplomat’s wife must prepare herself. i too, somehow agree that it could be true that a diplomat is more likely to be able to get along well with members of the missions who share the same cultural, social, and linguistics background before he or she would be able to effectively fit in the local and foreign community, given the fact that the local and foreign society definitely pose much more challenging colossal settings that require one to first have advanced level of understanding as well as adaptability. however, i’m afraid, it is not imperative for a diplomat to master the first before he could do the latter. two, contrary to popular opinion, obviously contemporary diplomatic agenda has somehow demanded more active participations of diplomats’ wives. diplomacy today is not just a husband’s responsibility. whether we realize it or not, it has become our duty too and in fact, not only we are expected to do more, we indeed can really do more! as such, i fail to understand why some quarters believe that diplomats’ wives should confine themselves to certain groups or mundane activities before they could do more. for me, there’s absolutely no such prerequisite. if we want to make the difference, it’s either we start now, or never!

the chief issue here, are diplomats’ wives perhaps been universally viewed as the key guardians of their diplomat husbands’ success in diplomatic world affair? the answer could be yes or no depending on how we see it. nevertheless, i would just say that if the wives of any diplomat husbands are not favoured by others due to clashes of views and attitude, it would be fair and wise for us to professionally spare their diplomat husbands from the brunt of any negative perception or biasness. even if it has been sort of a diplomatic culture, why should we comply with a practice which is against the very principle of diplomacy itself?

so long we are humans, animosity and discord will permeate every facet of our life. however, given the intellectual faculty, we should be able to minimize or avoid viewing conflict as destructive. for some of us who believe in the teaching of the Holy Quran, it has set us the best ever guidelines on how we show approach conflicts. here too, comes the essence of diplomacy. if we carefully ponder upon God’s manifestation through His various magnificent creations, and use our conscience, we would realize how the whole God’s creations operate on endless conflicts! the law of attraction says male and female attract each other. if people are attracted to the same gender, it is against the nature and is hardly accepted. Religiously, scientifically and socially, such same sex appeal is a disaster. husband and wife usually (i believe) are two different people with the opposite types of character. despite having any possible friction, it is not uncommon to see their very distant traits are actually what complement each other. men are given the physical strength to protect and provide for women, while women are bestowed with emotional strength to shield and tend to men. if the husband is not patient with kids for instance, it’s typically the wife who would become the rescuer, or vice versa. in our religion, men and women are given different roles so they could assist and love each others. in science, we learn that all matters are made up of positive - negative electrons that constantly repel one another. magnetic system works on the rule that opposite charge goes together, similar charge rejects one another. our solar system itself functions on the contradictory gravitational fields of the sun and other planets.

in the bottom line, conflict is everywhere and should never be viewed as a problem. instead, it is the core of our very own existence. conflict should never be an excuse for us to judge, reprimand, or reject others. instead, conflict should be a strong reason for us to appreciate each others. conflict too, should motivate us to look for constructive points that would better benefit everyone. conflict should be a motive for us to identify similarity and focus on how at the same time, both differences and similarities would bring us all together to a whole new level. i don't know, but i just feel that in every conflict, there must be a point where two diverged road will anyhow meet at one point, if only we try to look for it, if only. but how do we do so? with never ending violent tirade, hostile confrontation as well as tussle for power, right, dignity and so on everywhere around the globe, is there no more hope for a much more peaceful world? perhaps, we should start it here, in our diplomatic way because after all, it is our task to facilitate any peace and reconciliation efforts. perhaps, it is timely for us to be more open, keep looking, searching, finding and maintaining peace in conflict. the secret of doing so might be materialized by having a truly sincere heart. a heart that is able and willing to recognise, respect, love, and ACT JUSTLY while keeping balance of two opposite forces at the same time. we can’t totally eliminate conflict. the way to deal with it, is to accept it and to create equilibrium first in our very own diplomatic circle.

apple polisher

ever wonder why some people are never short of friends? perhaps, one crucial aspect that explain this is their amazing interpersonal skill or intelligence. when the theory of interpersonal intelligence (which is just one of the many multiple intelligences theory) was coined, many, particularly researchers and educators have started to pay greater attention to developing education frames that would develop, and multiply this intelligence. for us adult, interpersonal intelligence too, is indeed a premium and in fact, very much relevant. one important key feature of interpersonal intelligence is our ability to interact, emphatize, understand, assess and interpret others' motivations, desires, feelings and perspectives. This ability can be reflected through language usage (here comes, linguistics intelligence too). any languages used in a very tactful and diplomatic way have more positive impacts on our counterparts and indeed mirror, our interpersonal intelligence. with such intelligence, we are more likely to get along well with people, gain more friends, and have stronger social network of family members as well as acquaintances. don't we realize that sometimes, our mere presence is sometimes enough to bring cheer to others? as diplomats' spouses, supporting our partners' career does not only demand us to just be by his side and take care of his meals and needs and look after our children. in all missions, diplomats' wives have to participate in various meetings and activities, be that among the members their own circles, or among the international diplomatic corps. often, ladies can play a subtle , yet very significant role in forging diplomatic relationship between countries through the multitude of functions such as fund raising activities, and even hi-tea, dinner or even simple coffee morning! so, treat all as important.

as such, it is crucial for us to be socially-conscious in language usage and avoid any forms of insensitive, bias, inconsiderate, selfish and offensive language that could tarnish the reputation of the country's image we always carry with us, and could jeopordize relationship between people and countries. whether we communicate with subordinate, people of the same level or of the a much higher level, always
show respect to their feelings and ideas. academic intelligence may get us a prominent place, but it's the interpersonal intelligence that may get us favoured by many. Distinguish ourselves though from apple-polishing, or brown-nosing. toadying or false-flattering is unethical. never allow such emotional insecurity from invading ourselves. if we truly have a high level
ofinterpersonal intelligence, we should always welcome discussions, offer insights into things, counsel others, respect others temperaments and always cooperate. believe me, we thrive and grow better without being apple-polishers :-)

silent is golden

communication indeed, is one inevitable largest chunk of human life whether it happens verbally or none verbally. while communication can take place in many ways and is determined by so many variables, this tricky business can either make us feel successful or vice versa. i believe it is not uncommon to find ourselves gasping and wandering, when what we say seems to disappear into the thin air rather than touching the heart of our listeners. very often too, what is supposed to bring positive and meaningful interaction transforms into complicated and negative conversation, if not argument. unfortunately, the latter often results into misunderstanding, groundless gossips, and worst among all, bickering and disintegration between members of a particular envoy!

whether we like it or not, diplomatic life requires us to socialize and hence interact with a lot of people around us, especially those within our diplomatic corps. so, knowing what to watch out for during conversation can save us a lot from headache. though a pleasant and constructive exchange is determined not only by one single factor, language by all means, is one crucial yardstick which facilitates a fruitful one.

effective communication and diplomacy should consider phonological features during interaction. stress, rhythm, and intonation can largely affect the message we are trying to deliver. when dealing with those outside our diplomatic circle, some knowledge in the local or host culture can make a huge difference. linguistics or grammatical elements are certainly highly important. connotations or word choice, collocation or what word goes with what word, register, genre, cohesiveness and coherence, all make a great linguistic package we should wisely utilize.

another equally crucial point to consider is para-linguistics rudimentary; non verbal clues such gestures and facial expression, together with body language that includes eye contact, posture and positioning. a careful selection and use of both the linguistics and para-linguistics devices may greatly assist a win-win exchange of ideas and thought. a win-win exchange of ideas and thought. yes. and hence, let's underscore the vitality of acknowledging others through turn-taking.

however, at times communication may become unnecessarily extremely difficult. as mentioned earlier, of course there are numerous other factors that influence the outcome. when the atmosphere is filled with hot air, and when people started making a song and dance for instance, the best thing to do is to be quiet. it is absolutely futile to clarify, to defend or to argue if we are already in a bad book, because our receivers' negative perception and attitude towards us will directly impact the transmitted messages. thus, in unavoidable circumstances, remember, silent is golden. at times, we can perhaps temporarily press our ‘sleep’ button while waiting for the hot air to pass by :-)

who we are and where we are from

there are times when i feel that being a diplomat’s wife is the last thing i want to be in my life. strangely however, there are times when i really feel i want to be a diplomat’s wife forever. and that is the times when my two kids delight my every morning with their kisses, cuddles, giggles, demands, screams, and even battles!

looking into my old working days, the struggles to balance between family and career often left me utterly no such privilege. my daily regime consisted of waking up as early 5 am , and while still groggy from the lack of sleep (considering coming home late and burning my midnight oil to finish work) , i would be rushing to kitchen to prepare the simplest breakfast and snack (only for my eldest at that time, my husband and i myself hardly took even drinks), preparing his school uniform and bag, and then running up stair like mad, praying fajr and helping him with shower (or else he continued to snooze in the bathroom!). sometimes, i made some extra efforts like driving myself to the nearest food stall just to get him nasi lemak which i consider much more fulfilling. often, i was the first customer to arrive and sometimes, the stall owner was still loading food containers out from her car under the dim light from the nearest lamp post. then after my kid and husband left for school and work, i would be running here and there, up and down , hanging clothes on the washing line, quickly vacuuming and mopping the whole the house ( my friend would always suspect me of having OCD obsessive compulsive disorder because i insisted my house has to be spic and span clean regardless of how busy i was) etc. then i would be literally running again to get myself ready to work. very thin layer of face powder is the only thing i can afford to, if only. before leaving or in the car itself (while waiting at traffic light, or when stuck in hapless traffic) i usually flip through my files and books very briefly just to check and recall what were the subjects i planned to deliver to my students. back
then, i taught in an international university, some 45 km away from home. so, my 45 minutes to 1 hours driving to work was actually precious time for me to think about how, what to do and say in my class, and in the next 8 hours at academic work alone. Though sound incredibly funny to some, i actually enjoyed braving through daily gridlock, knowing that’s the best time for me to be just with myself and to take more deep breath! once the opportunity struck, i would be pressing the accelerator and speed up as much as i could just to make sure i wouldn’t be late especially for my 8:00 am class. Being late due to unavoidable circumstances like accidents would only mean i would be having headaches to offer replacement slot and get all students to agree on one time that would match everyone’ schedules. once my husband was terrified when his friend reported to him that i sped up like F1 track king, micheal schumacher! yet, i can't afford to sometimes think of my safety (well, anyway i guess i was skillful enough) and tolerate lateness since i taught in an international university, where coming from diverse background, the students are highly demanding , challenging and very vocal (they would say straight on our face if they don't like us!(doesn't really matter but how could they ever learn effectively if they dislike us?)). the workload was also too much that skipping lunch or breakfast was something perfectly common as well expected. of course that partly explained my setback - skinny physical plus low blood pressure.

i would only restrict myself in office for consultation and prayer. i prepared materials and did related work any where in between classes or tutorials, be that at the cafeteria, at mosque, at resource room (happens to be on the first floor which is rather far too convenient that my office on the fourth floor) or sometimes even in the midst of having meetings. as i really had to juggle between tonnes of teaching workload and loads of responsibilities back home, i did bring works home if i can't accomplish all in office. i didn’t have a helper. well to be precise, i refuse to since privacy means so much to me. somehow, I still managed to slip and do free-lancing everywhere. what started as an attempt to be more financially secured, i became passionately addicted to it and find running everywhere after my actually working hour offered me more than what i initially expected. networking, experience, and fresh exposure were the factors that kept me motivated, focused and energetic. believe it or not, on top of that, i applied for a fellow. again, all for the sake of experiences. there was no 8 to 5 because my working hours would even went up to 12 am or more especially talking about my added role as a fellow. still, there was so much enjoyment in the adrenalin rush I had while pursuing all these. strange, but instead of feeling stressful, i really found so much satisfaction and pleasure that when i resigned from the university and moved to another university which was nearer to my house and had far less workload (mainly for the sake of my son and husband), i started having boredom and extreme restlessness. my husband understands me but advised me to slow down myself, not realizing that he too is equally workaholic. thanks to a wonderful neighbor who always made our life much easier by looking after our son without fuss.

nowadays, things are totally different for me. far too different indeed. when i look back, sometimes i can't help wondering how i did all those. though my youngest will still rouses me from slumber as early as 5 am, i can still lay in bed while entertaining him with his whims, feed him milk, cuddle and stroke him, watch cartoon or just play some toys and let him towing me all around our bedroom. Though i used to prepare breakfast, snack and lunch box for my eldest myself, nowadays, my helper has gained cooking skills that i entrusted her with most basic cooking. in the past, my family would find ourselves dragging our feet to the nearest restaurants for dinner, not knowing what else to order as all in the menu were merely dishes being given different labels, but sadly a bowl of tomyam would always be a bowl of tomyam, and nothing else. Today however, we entertain our taste-buds with all sorts of delectable and much healthier dishes from my own kitchen, some were never made or even crossed my mind in the past. The memories of letting the kids curling in my bed, enjoying and at the same time spilling my homemade meals, playing with them, fighting just to make them sleep on time, working on art or science project, or just make myself available in school whenever i am needed to, all will be my greatest treasure when we get repatriated home soon. All too will be my sweet memories when they leave my nest later. Though it can be a grind sometimes, it is more rewarding. today too, i am blessed with unthinkable opportunities to see the world from atypical perspective. Regardless whether the door opens up to me with positive or negative experiences, i believe, more than the good times, memories of trying times are worth it and make us better and grateful persons.

i am not a super woman. i believe many of us out there have almost the very same routine like mine. but i wish to say that in the nutshell, our momentary life should not take us away from the reality. It is the reality that diplomatic life abroad is different from our actual life in our homeland (i would say to most of us, if not all.) there are advantages we have back home that we don’t get abroad and vice-versa. Yes, true enough if anyone would like to say, “enjoy our life the way it is while we still can”, yes i couldn’t agree more. But, just as a friendly reminder from a humble me, ultimately, we will embrace reality. The reality that says, no one is above others and that we are all the same, the same indeed because in spite all privileges, diplomatic immunity or what so ever, we are all just normal human beings. we do eventually go back to who we are and where we are from.

sharing, caring and giving

among the yesteryears memories i had as a small child was, tailing behind my parents around villages and the small town where my parents lived to send some cash contribution, used clothes and foods to the needy. my parents had quite good careers which could have allowed them to have a better house, bigger cars etc, yet they choose to live a very moderate life. Some dubbed them as s-t-i-n-g-y. as a small child, i sometimes wondered why my dad drove an old car, while my friend’s dad who had the same profession drove a newer and bigger one. i found it hard to believe mom didn’t have enough to make our house looked fancier when other moms can despite the fact they were just full time housewives. Dad especially always makes qualm about paying out for what he calls beyond necessities, but never grumbles when it comes to spending for the unfortunates. only after more than twenty years, i come to understand how my parents had laid down the greatest lesson of how joy comes through sharing, caring and giving.

no doubt relocation, resettling and readjustment in a new unfamiliar territory can sometimes be a daunting and devastating experience. get alive! start anew! a fresh look at a new horizon can bring us to enlightening and meaningful life adventures we wouldn’t encounter without leaving our familiar zone.

Being abroad, we are privileged to see how life is actually greener on our side. many stricken and less fortunate people still survive only on meagre income whilst doing multiple jobs and yet, they never free themselves from the chain of poverty. young, educated and eager people, take up menial jobs just to make sure they can give life to their aging parents, siblings and their own families. Women, girls, children as well as the elderly are either trapped in endless destitution, and abandoned. single mothers works long hours, having to leave their off-springs far in their provinces, just to care for others babies in order to feed theirs. While in many other part of the world people are already benefiting the latest of cutting age technology, many parents still know not what they can provide for their young ones. with no foods as the primary survival need to help them survive, let alone education. In natural disaster prone countries, people are displaced every time natural catastrophe strikes and not few of them lost their sole breadwinners. undernourished children, orphans, sick and medically deprived people, the handicapped, and drifted single parents. life to many of them has fallen apart.

while counting our blessing, perhaps it would be a life-changing experience if only we could look around us, empathize and extend some supports and contributions in any way we could to these unlucky ones. Spread our love and have the joy of sharing, caring and giving. it might be impossible for us to alter the life of everyone of them, but it is possible for us to at least change the life of them, one at a time.

what goes around comes around

giving up our career for the sake of our spouse’s career development is indeed a substantial undertaking. with such great sacrifice, we surely look forward to bring home later, sweet and wonderful memories.

at times however, unexpected turns may rob us away from the dream. whatever it is, believe in reaping what we have sown. so, even if everything appears to be so complicated and against what we strongly believe, be persistent in doing the best we could and in spreading goodwill. people might belittle our unwavering efforts, but remember that our patience and persistent will never fail us. uphold our integrity and the highest standards of ethics at all times.

If we could have such tremendous strength in leaving our precious original life, we too could have all the vigour to face whatever circumstances that come in our path. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. a special tribute to all diplomats' wives, what goes round, will sooner or later comes around. it's the law of karma. so, think few times before we do anything.

couldn't be happier

"so what's the real perk?", asked a curious friend not long ago after she learnt about me leaving for posting. not quite sure i just threw a smile. deep inside my heart, i myself wasn't sure what we were up to. all my husband and i knew was, it's a huge important decision that would affect us a lot, hopefully in positive ways. We too were both anxious, yet enthusiatic to discover new experience.

mention living abroad as diplomats, and one would visualize a life evolving around high-class communities in fabulous parties and events, excellent pay rise, excorbitant expenses borned by government, luxurious and chic life-style and other attractive and sought after perks. But, one thing for sure, we both know right from start, all those were never in our priority list!

depending on our luck, we might get assigned to a 'hardcore' or 'difficult' location. never underestimate what each place can offer. likewise, never be too optimistics with what each place looks like. it doesn't really matter where we get to make ourselves new homes. but, almost always, the sole biggest problem is more likely with people rather than the place itself.

being diplomats, we need not to worry much about physical protection. with diplomatic immunity, we can rest assured that our security and well-being is always been taken care of. yet, it doesn't equate ourselves with emotionally protection that would shield ourselves from being scarred by others. living in a small group can sometimes makes ourselves be so vulnerable to critics, especially when the world is not dancing to our tunes. smaller community sometimes can precisely make it easier for us to be a subject of social scrutiny and groundless gossips.

we can easily feel sullied when people make deragatory or unflattering remarks right in front us, or most often than not, behind us. while what we mean is just to share an idea for improvement, don't get surprised if people make disparaging comments that not only offend us, but worse it can also disgrace us. as such, we tend to be disappointed and even if our sorrow has waned, we tend to kept the negative impression of the source of soreness. sometimes, we can be deceived by what we see or hear. as normal human beings, we always wanted to be listened to in times of sadness. in anticipation that others would do the same to us, or in our genuine act of sympathy, we might mistakenly give trust to those seems kind to us. however, just like businesses, in desperation, others may betray us , rob us of our peacefulness and misconstrue or even twist facts on purpose, just to make themselves being perceived as better than us. there's also a tendency that we get excluded merely because we discern things in many other different ways than what others may not do.

all these pervailing situations that cause us pain in the neck are destructive should we let ourselves down with endless self-guilt and self-suffering. if viewed in a much more positive attitude however, we'll find it rather constructive. accept the fact that we are not designed to please everybody. so long our conscience is clear that we are doing the right thing, cling to that belief and let others holds theirs. there's a slim chance we could change others but greater and endless chance for us to improve ourselves. so, focus on ourselves instead. our contentment is not based on another human being or situation. focus on what makes us happier and our emotions will not vacillate. our happiness is never dependent on others expectation. under whatever unfavourable circumstances, remember our transient stay is really temporary. regardless of what people might say or do, never forget that we are largely in controlled of our own destiny. above all, there's a more powerful Authority who dictates the order of life. when He says Kumfayakun, even the impossible become possible.

"what's the real perk?". if asked again, i now know what i shall say. Diplomatic life has empowered us. we couldn't be happier with the blessing in disguised that the Al-Mighty is giving us.

no man is an island

moving to and staying in a foreign country can be quite an adjustment to make. in fact, for some, it is a huge challenge and can be an extremely difficult experience to deal with. the absence of family members, relatives, close friends, familiar environment, favourite cuisine, much-loved pastime activity and high profile career, can be rather depressing to some extent. all the WH- questions come into mind. who will be my new friends? to whom can I rely on in time of adversity? where am I going to make myself a new home? how do I do things? why can’t i do routine? and etc would be cluttering mind that if not tackle wisely, one may miserably be taken down the path of anger, anguish and frustration. no man is an island. often, this is the time a shoulder to cry on is very much needed and appreciated, making much often than not, esprit de corps prevails over this overwhelming experience.

try to be kind and supportive to those around us even if people are less kind and supportive to us. that wouldn’t keep us any less anyhow, but always believe that the more we are giving, the more we are getting. living abroad is not always easy, so do establish esprit de corps; the sense of purpose, unity and protectiveness among each other i.e. among our own family, organization or even social circles. honour each others, share the sense of pride, solidarity and enthusiasm, and form a much friendly as well as comforting atmosphere. that would positively impact not only those sharing the same atmosphere but also mirrors a favourable image of the country we represent.

great camaraderie doesn’t have to come only when we speak the same language. sometimes, it’s the differences that make us better together, in fact complement each others and get us achieve the unthinkable. or, at least when things are less auspicious, no road is long with good company. easier said than done. yes it is. as Muslims, we always have the Holy Quran which has provided a definite call; man of the highest level of faith (iman) is he who loves not only The Creator, but also the Nature and OTHER FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS. In the event it is impossible to walk the talk, remember the power of prayer. So do make doa and may we all are united. Ameenn.

the road less travelled

a diplomat’s wife is always seen as a frivolous, intelligent, tactful, articulate, poise, confident and graceful lady. such qualities are almost always imperative in ensuring that she can effectively support a husband’s demanding career and at the same time impact those around her especially among diplomatic corps community itself.

it isn’t any easier than said. it’s something involving the transformation of inner being - emotional, and not to forget physical and mental challenges. as time goes by however, those traits can be picked up but of course through great and deliberate efforts to understand and keen observations rather than through reading or formal training . in that sense, experience is perhaps the best teacher. (or experiencing an experience ourselves is perhaps can precisely make us learn. some people are experienced (in the sense that they are older ((and I suppose wiser ?)) but they do not necessarily learn)

far more crucial is how much we have tried to learn, to emulate and to seek and diversify knowledge and experience itself. here too comes the term life-long learning. there’s no book, journal, paper or research or even short-cut and fast rule to refer to. instead, the openness to learn, to change, to tolerate , to adapt and to step outside the usual sphere or comfort zone will do the difference. life indeed is an adventure of its own for those who have courage to take the road less travelled.

behind every great man

last May marked the completion of my husband and my one year assignment abroad. a year has just passed. yes, just a year, and it has been filled and full of moments of trepidation, worries, and trials that have been pushing us to the limit. Yet, the very same one year has also given us more life wisdom, hard-earned experience we wouldn't get through formal learning, love and more courage to embrace life.

diplomatic life... How indeed, it's more than a glamorous life within diplomatic corps. It's beyond than the willingness to accept a normadic life, the sacrifice to let go one's own career and interest so one can fully support the husband and children while in posting, the acceptance and tolerance of one's husband's goal as one's, the readiness to leave behind many loved ones, the adjustment and adaptation in new cultures and customs, and ultimately, the ability to project the best image of the country one represents. it wouldn't be too much probably to say that a diplomat's wife's roles are akin to those of her husband, if not even greater and yet invisible. Here perhaps comes the saying, behind every great man, indeed, there is always a great woman.

diplomatic life. no matter how fabulous or how treacherous it could be, we would be more than ready to brace you.